They walked anyways... true survivors!
I went to support them and literally got so soaked. I had a hard time peeling off my jeans when I got home.
I looked like this before leaving (well not exactly like this because this was taking a few days ago)
Notice the hair all straight... that takes time people!
Got in the car after being drenched...I look like a wet cat! Hair all curled up takes about 2 mins in the water... Frig!
I love these new things I found at the grocery last week.
They are really good with some peanut butter spread on them.
The nutritional info is good..
For 6 slices ( I can't imagine eating 6) Cals 120 Fat 1 fibre 3 that's pretty excellent!
I hope this post does not make me loose followers but I need to vent it out.
I am having a hard time dealing with self issues. This dating thing has opened up a jar of emotions I had sealed up a long time ago.
I have insecurities, I have poor self confidence and I suffer from low self esteem... I wonder if there is a pill to cure these things??
I have a hard time imagining being intimate with someone...
Hello you can't loose 120 lbs and not look like crap after you remove the clothes.
I have loose skin on my arms and of course my belly.
My boobs now look like two tennis balls in tube socks. When I lay down on my back one goes east and the other goes west.
How can I enjoy myself while worrying about all this??
Then I realize I am a very jealous person I tend to think I won't measure up to anyone these men have ever been with.
I hate how dating into your adult life comes with issues that at 17 yrs old I did not have.
I keep analysing all the men's past.
Someone told me to get over it everyone has a past I should be happy most of them don't have baggage.
So my dude #2 we have seen each other three times... will probably see him again this week.
I like hanging out with him, I enjoy his company. I recently started to feel butterflies when I talk to him... but yet something is keeping my away.
I am still chatting with others to see if there is a potential other dates. I believe that if I went on another date it would help me determine if I like the attention of any man or if I really like the attention of a certain man.
Everyone keeps telling me to just go with the flow and have fun with this. I can't! That's why I needed to talk to the blog land someone out there must know how I am feeling.
14 comments:
I totally understand the body issues thing. I know that I will never be happy with my body. My screwed up self image will be around for the rest of my life.
And the being intimate thing, well I think the key is allowing yourself plenty of time to get to know the guy before anything physical happens. The right person will make all the differance.
It's hard to have fun with this when it is such a HUGE emotional thing. So many issues at the same time.
I think you are being very brave. I can't put myself at there right now. I don't really want to deal with the emotional growing pains!
Alcohol always helps! Just kidding.... sort of.
It's a tough one that's for sure - I don't think you'll lose readers over this b/c I'm sure that a lot of people feel the same way!
At the end of the day - I bet he
won't care. Sometimes we just have to take the plunge and get over all of the hard stuff and just dive in. It's hard - but in the end might be worth it!
You have worked so hard to get where you are today - all those changes in your body and extra skin is due to hard work and determination. Keep that in mind!
A little off topic - Do you do any strength training?
I think the opposite- this post will make you GAIN followers! I think everyone who has struggled with their weight has at one point felt this way. We all have our likes and dislikes about our bodies (maybe more dislikes than the average gal with the weight) so I think many of us can relate to what you are going through. :) Its normal to have all of those fears that you have- so normal that even skinny chicks have them! I was larger than my boyfriend when I met him but not at my heaviest- and in the middle of the day (sunshine is not kind on the stretch marks lol) we had our first intimate encounter ( I didnt want it sound trashy was that appropriate? lol) Anyway you get the point- it was right, he made me feel beautiful, he actually looked at me- my whole body adn didnt run! lol So I guess my point is that if its RIGHT, if he is the right person it will be a wonderful time for you. Do I sound cheesy? lol Sorry Im leaving a book!! Maybe I should have seen if I could have emailed you...but Im sure other people might feel the same way.
I've often felt the exact same way, but here's the thing: if you and he are having an intimate encounter (hah, I stole TJ's phrase), then he already liked what he saw enough to get to that place. Plus, ask any guy and they'll tell you that once you're naked they're DEFINITELY not judging you--they're looking at you like they're a kid in a candy store and they're super excited to play!
I'm with the others--they don't care once you're naked!
Something I've learned along the way: wear awesome (and matching) bra and panties. It's hard NOT to feel good when you're wearing cute underwear and nobody else knows. =P
Seriously, granny underwear doesn't do anyone any favours.
H =)
I think the only people that can "go with the flow" are people that are by nature not examining life (aka stupid). I think it's way more smart to go into this with your eyes open, and examining everything every step of the way.
Definitely give strength training a try! Even if you add 15 minutes to start to your routine at the gym. I find it also makes the time at the gym much more interesting!
Are we twins separated at birth? I am feeling the same. A lot of online dating I find is about the physical appearance, I as well think god, how am I going to cope being intimate when my stomach is huge ! I think we put too much stress on ourselves. Men, aren't as worried about all that as we are. I don't know the answer but if it is any consolation I am having the same issues. I will post an update later today on my blog, it will be like yours. Martine
My girlfriend went through issues like your dating one. However she didn't examine it as 'like attention from one person, or any person'. She lost 130lbs and married the first guy she dated. It lasted 11mths. I understand its hard but by keeping in touch with others I think its a great way to see what you really like.
I have been married to my husband for 11 years but when we dated I had lost 60 pounds and he lost 80. I still didn't feel good about myself naked because of the loose skin...but after getting to know him and falling in love he fell in love with me...not the naked me...I hope this makes sense. Since we got married we have both gone up and down with weight...but you will want a guy who loves you for you and it won't matter. Dating is scary but you will find someone:)
I am still catching up on my blog reading from two weeks ago.
That was a horrible day to be out walking! That's the day we drove to Fredericton, and it poured all the way there.
I relate to the self-image issues. I regret having all but ruined my physical appearance, so now I'm trying to make the best of it. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't.
I remind myself that everyone has flaws, and everyone is more concerned with how their own flaws measure up than taking note of yours. It's true. A man being intimate is more concerned with how his skills measure up, you know?
Only you can decide how you want to approach dating: one at a time or play the field. Don't go against what your instincts tell you, but also make sure you can recognize the difference between instincts and fear.
Hi there! This is my first time to your blog and I must say I think it's lovely! You have gorgeous eyes girl...and wow look at your progress!
I know this post is from a few days ago...BUT had to add my 2 cents!
I can totally relate to your emotions in this post, and your worries about not being good enough and judging yourself. Just know that when you meet the right guy he will make you feel at ease and love you no matter how you think you look. I really mean that. He will be proud of your accomplishments and we all know that we can't all look like porn stars ;)
Keep your chin up and enjoy getting to know who your with. Listen to your heart, and try not to be too hard on yourself.The right person will make you feel like a princess no matter what your size.
((HUGS))
I'm reading a book that is helping me to overcome all the same kind of thinking that you have especially when it relates to men.
"Change Your Thinking" by Sarah Edelman ~~ see if you can find it at the library. If you can't, contact me & I will send you a copy. I'm very serious. You are suffering needlessly. This can all be changed. I didn't believe it could but slowly but surely it is for me. I WANT THE SAME FOR YOU!!!
I finally had sex with the perfect guy for my needs. I didn't want a relationship but really, really needed to get laid. He made me feel very sexy and gorgeous. He has a smaller build than my own & had never been with a woman of my size. He called me "fucking wild" & had a great time! LOL So did I of course!
The first time I had a few beers for courage (it was 14 years since I had last had sex!)but the second time I was sober & we did it in broad daylight.
What I'm trying to say is that you'll know who the right guy is, the right timing & everything. Your gut will tell you.
BUT ... I strongly encourage you to work on your thoughts and beliefs about yourself & your body concurrently.
I have the same issues concerning comparing myself with others, jealousy, overthinking situations etc. I KNOW how you're feeling.
These thoughts & beliefs ARE NOT TRUE. They can be unlearned.
PLEASE let me know about the book, ok? It's a book that you can use to help you help yourself if you do the work.
You deserve all the great, yummy stuff of Life, Julie!!!
xoxo
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